| Globally, we are now into our seventh month of this pandemic. These various quotes made me laugh, which I SO needed. Which one is your favorite? 1. So let me get this straight, there's no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap? 2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do. 3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me. 4. If these last months have taught us anything, it's that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats. 5. Just wait a second - so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You're kidding, right? 6. People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn't enough of a deterrent. 7. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it. 8. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me. 9. Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic. 10. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now. 11. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is. 12. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now? 13. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it's going to take a whole vineyard to home school one. 14. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week. If you giggled, laughed or smiled - good !After all, laughter is the best medicine and sure as hell boosts immunity... |
| One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of the Granville Christian Church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "Every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; What does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno." |
| One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.<>br "Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left," said the 12-year-old. We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros." "Then we followed the man," said the other boy, "and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet." "That's a truly awful behaviour," the mother replied. "You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church." The boys did what they were told and went to the Church, to confess and atone before the priest. After a while they came back with 100 euros, because now they also knew where the man worked!!! |
| A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him, "Do you know how to use the equipment?" "Yes," the boy replied. "Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?" The young applicant thought and replied, "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation." "What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?" "I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually." "And if the lever was broken?" "I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied. "And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle." "Is your uncle an electrician?" "No, but he's never seen a train crash before." |