| Seamus is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test. The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card. Now Seamus has always had difficulty telling right from left so the optician says not to worry and to cover his left eye with his left hand and then read the letters on the card but still Seamus has problems. The optician, being a helpful chap, has a brilliant idea and taking a cardboard box, cuts out two small square holes and puts it over Seamus' head with the words, "There, now cover up one of the holes and read the letters on the card through the other hole." Seamus however bursts into tears and the optician becomes very concerned, takes the box off his head and askes why he's crying. Seamus replies, "I wanted a metal frame like me brother's got." |
| Just as we have Rajinikanth jokes, in Russia they have Putin jokes..... When Putin was late for school, the teacher punished the whole class for being early. When Putin's phone rings in the theater, they pause the movie. Doctor: "You have Cancer". Putin: "Tell it, it has two weeks to live." When Putin looks in the mirror, there's no reflection because there is only 1 Putin. When Putin was born, he named his parents. Russia didn't choose him, he chose Russia. Putin Arriving at Foreign Country's Airport: Customs Officer: "Occupation?" Putin: "No, just visiting." Putin calls 911 to ask what is their emergency. Putin built the hospital in which he was born. This guy never flushes the toilet, he just scares the shit out of it. When Putin was born, he slapped the doctor for not crying. When Putin didn't go to school, the school declared it a Holiday. Stop calling him Russian James Bond. James Bond is British Vladimir Putin. When Putin creates an account, the terms and conditions agree with him. When Putin coughs, Covid wears a mask. |
| Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test. The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside. External: Suppose you are traveling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do? Student: I will open the window. External: Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment is 12 m3, the train is traveling at 80 km/hr in a Westerly direction and the speed of the wind is 5 m/s from the South, then how much time will it take for the compartment to get cold? The student can't answer, so he is marked fail and he comes out. After coming out he tells that question to the second student. The second student goes in and his viva starts. External: Suppose you are traveling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do? 2nd Student: I will remove my coat. External: It still is hot, then what? Student: I will remove my shirt. External (angrily): If it still is hot, then what will you do? Student: I will remove my pant. External (Fuming): And what if you die due to the heat? Student: Sir, Mar Jaunga But Woh Khidki Nahi Kholunga! |
| I was headed for a blind date last night, but I was worried... what to do if she was really unattractive. My friend told me not to worry as there is an app for just that situation. It's called Mum Are You Okay. It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date. If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with; Mum? What's the matter? Are you okay? It works every time, so no worries. So anyway, I knocked on the girl's door and it turns out I needn't have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous with stunning looks. But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, "Mum? What's the matter? Are you okay?" |