| A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke." |
| Once upon a time there were two blondes who had gone rock climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Ross!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply. "Okay Ross," shouted Robert, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and..." but before he could finish, he heard Ross call, "But both my legs are broke." Robert suggested his arms, to which the reply was, "They're broken too!" So finally, Ross held on with his mouth. Robert struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Robert said, "You right there mate?" Ross replied, "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........" |
| Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her. "That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter? Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid." "Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again. "Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied. Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?" |
| Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first fisherman. "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second fisherman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the fisherman, said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!" |