What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Last night, I told my husband, we should try some role reversal in bed.
And the bastard said he had a headache!
Husband is praying before going to bed.
Wife: What are you praying for?
Husband: For guidance.
Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
Wife: Apne Mere Boobs Choos-Choos Kar Bade Kar Diye Hain.
Husband: Agar Aisa Hota Toh Mera Lund Mere Ghutne Tak Pahunch Geya Hota Aur Mujhe Condom Ki Jagah Cycle Ki Tube Lagani Padti!
A couple during sex:
Husband: I'm about to come, honey.
Wife: Yes... come on, baby.
Husband: I'm coming, baby... I'm coming...
Wife: Yes... yes... baby. Come come.
Husband: I'm coming, Oh yes, I'm coming.
Wife: Abe... Tu Aadmi Hai Ya Acche Din!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is!
Husband asks is angry wife for sex.
Wife: Fuck off, I don't want to see your face.
Husband: Neither do I, let's do it doggy style!
Husband says to wife: My Olympic condoms have arrived... I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
Wife: Why not wear Silver and come second for a change!
Husband asked his wife while performing:
Husband: Honey, why do I get all my great ideas in bed only?
Wife: Because at that time you're plugged Into A Genius!
