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Upload to Facebook Just realized that ocean scented products do not smell like the ocean! -
Upload to Facebook My wife told me that if she ignores my looks, money, charm and success, then there's no real difference between me and George Clooney! -
Upload to Facebook I just realized that 'In a pandemic?' is such a perfect excuse to get out of plans! -
Upload to Facebook "A legend is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."
This was apparently not an acceptable response to my wife for coming home drunk at 3 am! -
Upload to Facebook What do you call a pig that does Karate?
Pork Chop! -
Upload to Facebook I'm really exhausted. I spent all day saying "no" to my kids and "yes" to my wife! -
Upload to Facebook Some people will cancel all plans just to stay at home in bed.
I am some people! -
Upload to Facebook I told my wife to join me in my morning jog. But she said she's not interested. Then I asked her if she knows that young beautiful girl who lives across the street who goes for jogging everyday.
Now my wife gets ready for jogging with me even before I get up! -
Upload to Facebook A lot of people at this party were shocked to learn that I'm still single.
Especially my wife! -
Upload to Facebook Trumpty Dumpty never finished his wall,
Trumpty Dumpty lost the election this fall.
All the shady lawyers and all the yes men couldn't get Trumpty elected again!
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