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Upload to Facebook Before our marriage, when my wife told me that she's a cat person, I should have realized that for the rest of my life she's gonna sit on the other side of the bed & ignore me all day! -
Upload to Facebook Wife: You know what day today is?
Me: Our anniversary?
Wife: No, it's Friday, the 13th. The scariest day.
Me: Oh so it's the same! -
Upload to Facebook Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.
Wife: Flathead, Phillips or Vodka?
And that was when I knew she was the one! -
Upload to Facebook My wife texted me `You are right, I was wrong and I'm sorry` but it seems her phone's autocorrect changed it to `Whatever`! -
Upload to Facebook Newly married friend: My husband is my best friend.
My wife: Just wait for a few months. He'll be your worst enemy! -
Upload to Facebook Going to the mall for shopping with your wife is like going to the casino for gambling, you lose track of the time and don't know how much money you have spent! -
Upload to Facebook Pro-tip for husbands:
Never ever buy your wife an XXL sized dress. Always buy a size small, but hold on to the receipt so that she can change it later.
Act surprised when she says that the smaller size doesn't fit her will earn you some bonus points.
You can thank me later! -
Upload to Facebook If the husband is head of the family then, what's the wife?
The wife is the neck of the family, which can turn the head anywhere! -
Upload to Facebook The wife asks her wife, "Will you marry after I die?"
The husband responds, "No I will live peacefully"! -
Upload to Facebook Last month, I told Alexa to keep a count of the number of times I won an argument with my wife.
As of now, my wife is leading 1,305,124 to 3
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