An erection is like the theory of relativity. The more you think about it. The harder it gets.

Mike, I can't even get an erection. I tried taking Viagra. Popped one, popped two. I've been eating them like Skittles.

For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Excuse me, madam, but may I rub my erection up against your buttocks, because I mistakenly took Viagra thinking it was Vitamin C?

If I'm working this hard in the morning, I'd prefer it be because my man has woken me up with an eight-inch nudge.
If sharks really can smell blood, then I'd imagine they're all salivating over my erection right now.
When play dies it becomes the game. When sex dies it becomes climax.
Oh, is this the climax? Well, I hope you don't mind if I fake it!
George is not a sexy name. George is like what you name your teddy bear, not the name you wanna scream out during climax.
Music is much like fucking, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent.