All I got for Christmas was a sweater... I would have prefered a screamer or a moaner.
After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And she said, I don't think this was good for anybody.
Garry Shandling
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
Cary Grant
The trouble with government regulation of the market is that it prohibits capitalistic acts between consenting adults.
Robert Nozick
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
The eyes are the whores of the senses.
Keith Richards
I think that one should view with philosophic admiration the strange paths of the libido and should investigate the purposes of its circuitous ways.
Carl Jung
If most men and women were forced to rely upon physical charm to attract lovers, their sexual lives would be not only meager but in a youth-worshiping country like America, painfully brief.
Gore Vidal
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Henry Youngman
