The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.
How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches.
The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.
An erection is like the theory of relativity. The more you think about it. The harder it gets.
Fish in another man's pond and you will catch crabs.
Masturbation is the new polygamy.
Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection.
Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.
You know that look women get when they want sex?... Me neither.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?