Politicians and drapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
God writes a lot of comedy, the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Analyzing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.
Adulthood is like losing your mother in the grocery store for your whole life.
Some people are such treasures that you really just want to bury them.
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
A date is an experience with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Martinis are like breasts, one isn't enough, and three is too many.