A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me!
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
Minor surgery is surgery someone else is having.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.