| You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. |
| A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. |
| In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. |
| Seven days without laughter make one weak. |
| I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. |
| A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. |
| Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. |
| Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. |