| Tobacco causes Cancer ads! |
| I hate it when people don't hate people I hate. |
| The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals. |
| My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice. |
| Feminists. If you hate men so much, why are you always trying to be like them? |
| Some people simply should have a backspace key for their mouths. |
| Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying. |
| Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together! |
| Sarcasm: The ability to offend idiots without the realizing it. |
| All women are beautiful. Except the ugly ones. |