| My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me. I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!" |
| Doctor, filling medical report: You have a broken hand, severe concussion and bruised eyes. Are you married? Me: Yes, but my wife didn't do it. I fell off the bike this time! |
| Marriage teaches you a lot of valuable things. For example, today I've learned that the fancy towels in the wardrobe are only for guests and not to wipe my ugly face! |
| My wife just asked me if I was busy. Now I may have to do things like taking the trash out or traveling to Mars and buy something! |
| My wife can't remember her credit card PIN but can clearly remember the exact picture of some girl I commented on Facebook 5 years ago. Women are unbelievable! |
| Husband: You don't have a sense of humour. Wife: That's not true. I married you right, that means I can take a joke! |
| Husbands and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouth! |
| I asked a friend who got married for the second time, how is it? He replied, "Same virus, different mutation!" |
| A husband and wife were sitting in a restaurant. A young, attractive waitress gets flirty with the husband and he looks BOASTFULLY at his wife. Wife (Smirks): Don't get carried away honey. She has COVID. Husband (Taken aback): How do you know? Wife (Smiles): Can't you see? She has no taste! |
| My wife and I share the same interest. I want to travel and she wants to me go away! |
