| Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. Bob Hope |
| When he's late for dinner, I know he's either having an affair or is lying dead in the street. I always hope it's the street. Jessica Tandy |
| My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. Les Dawson |
| I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me. Tallulah Bankhead |
| Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life. Dorothy Parker |
| Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen |
| If three people having sex is a threesome, and two people having sex is a twosome, then I know why people call me handsome. Anonymous |
| On Clinton: A man will occasionally step on his dick, but he shouldn't stand on it. Kris Kristofferson. |
| Software is like sex, it's better when it's free. Linus Torvalds |
| In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it's a fact. Marlene Dietrich |