| What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home. Ken Hammond |
| I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. Joan Rivers |
| Don't have phone sex. You might get hearing aids. Anonymous |
| We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. Lily Tomlin |
| Bare necessities of life: Food, clothing, and a blonde. W.C. Fields |
| The difference between snow man and snow woman is snow balls. Anonymous |
| I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was. Woody Woodbury |
| Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers. Anonymous |
| Once upon a time, when he could do it twice upon a time. Anonymous |
| Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Anonymous |