| I tried donating blood today. Never again. Too many questions. `Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?", `Why is it in a bucket?" |
| As a kid, I wasn't a fan of facial hair. But then it started to grow on me! |
| My wife left me because I'm insecure... No wait, she's back, she just went to get coffee! |
| Waiter: Is Pepsi OK? Me: I don't judge. I'm cola blind! |
| I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words! |
| Today somebody told me that I take criticism very badly so I punched him in the face! |
| A friend of mine used to install kitchen work surfaces, but they arrested him for counter fitting! |
| My neighbor says he is too afraid to plant an apple tree. I told him, "Grow a pear"! |
| Interviewer: why should we hire you as a waiter? Candidate: For starters, I bring a lot to the table! |
| Did you know that your pupils are the last parts to stop working after you die? They dilate! |
