"I smoke cigars beacuse at my age if I don`t have something to hold onto I might fall down." - George Burns
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I`m going miss mine by just a few days." - Garrison Keillor
"The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare." - Ed Begley, Jr.
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups : alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and fat." - Alex Levine