Mature Jokes

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I`m so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped...

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, Johnny...

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital, in agonizing pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and...

A young man was so paranoid about the size of his penis that he could never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse. One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and...

Texas Rancher was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to...

Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into a Mall for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don`t be naive enough to think it couldn`t happen to you...

A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man. and said: I`ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Patient: I guess the bad news.
Doctor: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and...

This is a memo to Indian staff. This one is extremely funny. And what makes it funnier is the fact that it is a REAL memo from a prominent company. Every word here is quite intact and no word has been altered...

One day, Little Johnny`s teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can Suck or Lick!"
"Ice cream, ma`am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said...

To My Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often...