Mature Jokes

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom...

A priest goes to the mechanic. He tells the mechanic, "Hey, I just brought in my car last week, and since you guys worked on it, it`s leaking oil all over my garage."
The mechanic says, "My apologies Father...

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has...

Bob, the farmer, went into town to retrieve his monthly supplies. The clerk noticed Bob was displaying a sad face and asked what was wrong. Bob stated that his wife, Linda, was wearing him out as she was a nymphomaniac...

The sex life of my belt`s buckle is as frustrating as mine. It also sees many holes everyday but goes in the same again and again!
Women are a lot like alcohol. They may give you a great night but they`re a big...

Sue was playing hard to get, so Greg played his last and biggest trump card. "I`ll bet you I can keep my eye on my beer while I go out to my car," he challenged her. Sue knew that this was impossible so she put down...

An Army Battalion was having a cocktail party to welcome the new Brigade Commander. A circular was sent out to all: Cockfail at 7 PM sharp at the Officers Mess. The Commanding Officer saw the spelling mistake...

The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn`t want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour...

A teacher called Mrs. Franny, arrived at school on her first day. She met with the school`s principal, who greeted her with, "Good Morning Mrs. Fanny."

Mrs Franny sighed, "It`s not Fanny, it`s Franny. Oh God, I hope...

There are these two firemen in a smoke filled room. One of them is butt fucking the hell out of the other one. The chief walks in and says, "What the hell is going on in here?"
The one on top says, "Sir I found him in here passed...