Mature Jokes

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets...

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dil-ldoes h-here?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady`s appearance in his shop, answered...

A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.
"What colour?" she asked.
He settled for white....

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me."
He takes him to the barn...

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. The next morning she told him she was a jockey...

A husband asks his wife: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears...

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don`t you see the sign? It says, "Private property Stay Out!"
The golfer says, "I`m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball...

Three bulls were standing around the farm yard one day, talking about how the farmer had just bought a new bull. The first bull, the biggest and strongest of the group, says, "He`s in for a surprise when he gets here. I`ll be...

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market. Old cock to Young cock: Welcome to join...

A guy visits his doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, American beer...