Mature Jokes

A young lady who thought she was overweight went to see a dietitian. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, exercise, and other things. Her final question...

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old man looked at his wife and said, "Fuck you!"
A few minutes passed when the woman turned and said...

A man knocks on the door of a supposedly exclusive brothel. Through a small window in the door, the madam says, "What can I do for you, sir?"
"I`d like to get screwed...

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting...

After landing my new job as the greeter of a department store, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here`s what happened. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her...

A young guy from the city goes out west to to stay with his sheep herder kin. Having no knowledge of sheep herding, his kin decided to take him along to move sheep from one valley to another...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, a woman went to her grand parents` house to visit her 95 years-old grand mother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather...

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker...

A woman phones her blonde neighbor and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing...

A dirty old man walks up to this voluptuously beautiful woman and says, "Would you sleep with me for 1 million dollars?"
"For 1 MILLION dollars, of course I would...