Mature Jokes

Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched...

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie`s...

There was an soccer player anxious to make it into one of the Premier league teams. When he found out about the trials being held he held a party with his chums. One of them brought along some Marijuana...

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I`m going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
"Ok", says David and the guy gets...

Banta runs into his office, wearing only a hat and carrying a briefcase. His boss stops him and says, "What are you doing, Banta? Do you realize you`re naked? Shouldn`t this be your day off..

A Frenchwoman took her young daughter to the Louvre. As they stood before a statue of a nude male, the child pointed at its penis and asked, "Mama, what`s that?"
"Oh, nothing, Cherie."
"I want one," said the child...

Husband: I must say that you are very pretty to be a waitress. Can I know your name please...?

Waitress: That is very nice of you, sir. My name is Isabella.

Husband: Nice name...

Patel: Remove your clothes.
Wife: Why Remove my clothes?
Patel: Just do and come beside me on the bed.
Wife: Okay they are off...

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?"
"No, I didn`t know that," The man replied...

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen...