Mature Jokes

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two...

Smith was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up.
He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was...

The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore.
She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels...

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal...

It's the yearly party at the temple and they're having the drawing for the door prizes. Goldstein wins third prize and gets a Bike. Rosenberg wins second prize, goes up to collect, and it's a plate of...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant...

Dear Diary - Day 1: All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip...

A man checks into a hotel while on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you’re calling for a cab.

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things. The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big...

Twin sisters in a Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins.