Mature Jokes

One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door...

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband...

A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.
The aged gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love...

My wife told me it was about time that I learned to play golf. It`s a game where you chase a little ball all over...

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy...

Jack the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he`d lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was...

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn`t too sure how to get there, so told the couple he would ask directions...

After the annual office New Year party, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make...

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred pounds a night. The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn`t dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable...

Charlie and George were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. Charlie said to George, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean...