Mature Jokes

There was a virgin who was going to get married. She asked her mother if it hurt when you had sex. Her mother said not really, but to help you can use Vaseline. So the virgin goes and buys a jar and puts it in her suitcase..

Tom was in Las Vegas gambling and having a run of bad luck. He lost all his money and was now waiting for his bank to wire him some more. He was on his way up to his hotel room when he meets a beautiful hooker...

Little Johnny was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a workbook, so he went to ask his father for it. He found him in the bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement he forgot all about the fifty cents and asked...

I was driving into the old historic section of town and found Tim, one of the bartenders at The River City Grill curled up on a curb alongside the road in tears. I stopped the car and hollered over to him...

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in the local `Fun House`. The guy says to the cabbie...

To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately...

One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife.
"How lovely, Dear," she said. "What`s the occasion?"
"I want to make love to you," he said simply.
"Not tonight, Dear. I have a headache," answered his wife...

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun. Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry...

One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door....

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted...