Mature Jokes

The head nurse was nearing retirement, she had seen just about everything come through the hospital`s labor and delivery unit and always remained calm and unruffled. An eighteen-year-old in labor was...

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom....

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.
In this garden, Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam`s, and One covered Eve`s...

A honeymoon couple had booked a sleeper berth for their trip. However when boarding the train, they found their berths were both upper berths on opposite sides of the compartment...

"First," said the playboy, "I`m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."
"Oh, no you`re not," said the girl.
"Then I`ll take you to dinner and ply you with...

A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
Doctor: Can you read the bottom line...

A grocery store clerk was answering a customer`s question: "No, I haven`t had any for over two months."...

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves. The husband says, "No chance love, they`re far too expensive."
Later on in bed the wife is just falling asleep when the husband tries...

There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter. The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything...

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband...