Mature Jokes

A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a Halloween Costume Party. He doesn`t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain...

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor...

Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby...

When Felix, the regional sales manager for a machine tools company, got home from the office, his wife couldn`t help noticing that his tie was loose, his fly unzipped, his hair disheveled, he smelled of perfume...

An undertaker comes home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asks his wife.
"I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep...

Little Johnny had a first date lined up with a woman he had been after for quite a while. When she finally consented to go out with him, he wanted to plan the most romantic evening he could. He picked her up...

The parish priest needs his house painted, so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house; he`s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends...

A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked...

So this guy is between the sheets with this woman when he hears the garage door open. "It`s my husband," the woman says. "Here start ironing these." tossing him a pile of shirts.
The husband walks in and...

A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.
The aged gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love...