Mature Jokes

A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first hair cut. When her turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for...

Little Johnny`s father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said, Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have?
Johnny replied, it has...

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, 'Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we`re going up to our room for a little while.'
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes...

A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, 'Now, children, do you all sayyour prayers at night?'
A little boy answered: 'My mommy...

The third grade teacher was teaching English and recited for her class:

'Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.'

She explained that this was...

Two little kids were in a hospital laying next to each other. The first kid leaned over and asked, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid said, 'I`m in here to get my tonsils...

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
'Joe,' he asked, 'which company has the slogan, `come fly the friendly skies`?'
Joe answered the...

A girl was at her wit`s end trying to stop a 4 year-old nephew, Todd, from sucking his thumb. Finally, she told him if he didn`t stop, his stomach would get very big and puffy.

The following Sunday in church, there happened...

10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit...

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, 'Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?Johnny:'M`am..