Mature Jokes

A 75-year-old man went to his favorite bar and met a woman with whom he hit off real well. They went to her place and had sex. The old man tried and tried, but...

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then...

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place.
He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped...

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said...

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and...

A Chinese man had three daughters, he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest," said the eldest daughter...

It's the yearly party at the temple and they're having the drawing for the door prizes. Goldstein wins third prize and gets a Bike. Rosenberg wins second prize, goes up to collect, and it's a plate of...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant...