Mature Jokes

Two Gays decided to have a baby. They mix their sperms and have a surrogate mother inseminated with it. A baby is born.
They rush to the hospital. 12 babies were in the ward - 11 were crying, only 1 was smiling...

While walking through the park, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I`m listening to the music...

There was a farmer out in the country, a meek little guy who had a speech problem and couldn`t talk right. He got his first telephone, the kind that hangs on the kitchen wall and has to be cranked to get the operator. Soon after...

John and Brian are out and about. John notices that Brian is a bit pissy during the evening, so he finally brings up. "Yo, man, you`ve been cranky all damned day. What the hell is wrong with you. You`re acting like...

An old man said to his doctor, "Doc, tomorrow`s my eightieth birthday. I want to do it just one more time before I die, so I`ve hired a hooker for the night. Can you give me something to get it up?"
The doctor smiled, "Normally, I don`t prescribe...

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets...

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dil-ldoes h-here?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady`s appearance in his shop, answered...

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market. Old cock to Young cock: Welcome to join...

A guy visits his doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, American beer...

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected...