Mature Jokes

A rude New Yorker and his girlfriend were driving across the desert when they had a flat tire on the car. Getting out, the boyfriend was about to start changing it when he spotted a cowboy sitting on his horse, rolling a smoke. He told his girlfriend that he would...

A man went to a hospital in Toronto to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient`s girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn`t know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can.
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels...

An Young lady dies and goes to heaven. She`s chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams. "Don`t worry about that...

How long is your one?
I have one.
You have one.
Your mother uses your father`s one and your auntie uses your uncle`s one.
A married lady would...

A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man, "Excuse me sir, but do you know Mrs. Appleblossom?"
The man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies...

One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door...

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting....

A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis...

A very simple obesity test for tummy size. While pissing in standing posture, try to see your pappu without bending down. Do it when your pappu is normal in size, erect pappu can lead to incorrect...