Mature Jokes

There was an soccer player anxious to make it into one of the Premier league teams. When he found out about the trials being held he held a party with his chums. One of them brought along some Marijuana...

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I`m going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
"Ok", says David and the guy gets...

Banta runs into his office, wearing only a hat and carrying a briefcase. His boss stops him and says, "What are you doing, Banta? Do you realize you`re naked? Shouldn`t this be your day off..

A Frenchwoman took her young daughter to the Louvre. As they stood before a statue of a nude male, the child pointed at its penis and asked, "Mama, what`s that?"
"Oh, nothing, Cherie."
"I want one," said the child...

Husband: I must say that you are very pretty to be a waitress. Can I know your name please...?

Waitress: That is very nice of you, sir. My name is Isabella.

Husband: Nice name...

Patel: Remove your clothes.
Wife: Why Remove my clothes?
Patel: Just do and come beside me on the bed.
Wife: Okay they are off...

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?"
"No, I didn`t know that," The man replied...

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen...

A saxophone player was contracted to do a recording session for a movie. Much to his delight, the soundtrack was pretty much a sax solo from beginning to end. When the session was over the sax player asked the producer what...

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting his coat on. His wife, seeing his unexpected behavior, asks, "And where do you think you are going?"
He replies, "I`m off to the doctor...