I just wish my wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, the cunt is still alive!
A man surfing TV channels asks his wife, "Darling, may I watch T20 match?"
Wife: You better watch only the replay of Gayle's innings of 175. That way, you might learn some porn!
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
Roses are Red, Sky is Blue; You're beautiful, I love you!
AFTER MARRIAGE:
Roses are Dead, I have Flu; Don't eat my head, F**k you!
A husband and wife were engaged in the sex act.
Husband: Honey, why do I get all my great ideas in bed only?
Wife: It's because at that time, you're plugged into a genius!
A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!"
"Good!"
"Now I also want you to take off my Bra."
"Good..."
"Now can you take off my panties."
"Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!"
On 1st night after marriage:
Wife: Please let's not do it today. Let's spend it on understanding each other.
Husband: Darling, something 'Under' is already 'Standing' for you!
A husband jumps on bed after removing his clothes.
Wife: I have fever.
Husband: I know that. That's why I have powdered my penis with 'Crocin'. Now you decide, whether you want to take it orally or as as an injection!
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
This is absolute partiality:
If she has a headache, she is tired;
If you have a headache, you don't love her any more!
My wife hasn't really been up for sex lately. Although sometimes, I wake her up!