What did the astronomer say after 69ing his wife?
Excellent view of Uranus tonight.
Porn stars are probably the only actors unequivocally against nepotism within the film making industry.
I met a lewd nude in Bermuda
Who thought she was shrewd: I was shrewder;
She thought it quite crude
To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.
My wife walks out of the shower, winks at me and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
You see a latex medical examination hand glove, I see a 5 pack of condoms and one is my size.
After sex last night my girlfriend said, "You're easily the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "Ditto" wasn't the correct response!
I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.
I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.
My wife gave me a handjob the other day using vaseline I came three times trying to wash that shit off
I bought my new wife a full set of cookery subscriptions for her birthday to help her learn to cook properly.
A month later she bought me a porn movie for my birthday.
All the women I ever hooked up with told me I belonged in the Guinness book of world records...
For causing the most amount of disappointment in the least amount of time.
