The stock markets now are like an old man's dick - just refusing to rise.
But the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!
A guy to his friend, "My wife and I have what we call Olympic sex".
Friend: Sounds great!
"Not really", the guy replies. "It only happens once every four years."
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery!
What's the big deal in same sex marriages? I've been married to the same woman for 25 years and had the same old sex all that time!
An Aussie caught a Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.
"Mate", the Aussie said, "Over there we shear them".
The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone"!
Wives are good at only 2 things - Cooking and F**king!
No jokes!
You never know what's Cooking in their Heads;
And you'll never know when they start F**king your Happiness!
"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement, Pam?" said her closest friend.
"Well", Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired".
Q: Why are babies so fragile?
A: They are put together with one screw.
Her boobs are so big that she walks a feet behind her nipples!
One behaviourist to another after lovemaking, "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"
