Gone are the days when booze was booze, pussy was pussy, boss was boss & king was king. Now pussy is king, booze is boss & the boss is a pussy.
Doctor: Why your knees all blistered? Lady: Because of doggy style sex!
Doctor: Can't you do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, Doctor; but the dog can't!
Q: Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank?
A: Because he was caught drinking on the job.
A whore is like a bowling ball; she gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.
"I'll get the door," says the first ovary.
She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?" "No, why?", answers the other ovary.
"Because there two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."
Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How many children do you have?" he asked.
"Eighteen," the lady replied.
"Lady," he gasped, "You're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"
Q: What's the similarity between walking on the edge of Mt. Everest & getting a blow job from a 70 year old woman?
A: Whatever you do, don't look down.
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting increased and he put his hand in her panties.
She seemed to be enjoying his progress but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"
"I'm not wearing any ring! That must be my wristwatch".
Q: What do you call when 2 guys fight over a slut?
A: Tug-of-whore.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because she can't handle the "long-distance relationship" as she calls it; and which I call it a 'Dick'.
