Last night my wife wore a police uniform to bed and said, "You are being charged with being good in bed."
90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence!
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up!
Masturbation is the only thing that is not taxed, regulated or illegal. That's your 'freedom'. You are free to go fuck yourself!
A man and a woman can just be friends with no sex involved.
It's called marriage!
I regret choosing to be an accountant.
I thought "double entry" was something else!
No one cleans better than a man expecting to get laid!
Kid 1: Penchod
Kid 2: Penchod
Wife: Kuch Bolenge Aap Inko?
Husband: Bhenchod Hota Hai!
Wife: Woh Pen Ke Liye Lad Rahe Hain!
My bachelor friend told me that he hasn't had sex in such a long time that he's beginning to feel like he's married!
1st year of marriage: Great sex! Now let's cuddle and fall asleep.
10th year of marriage: Sex? We just did that in April!
I asked my girlfriend why she never blinks during sex.
She said, "There isn't just enough time!"
