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Upload to Facebook Bumped into a friend today, who got married the second time. I asked how's it going?
He replied, "Same virus bro, different mutation!" -
Upload to Facebook I'm not interested in long romantic walks on the beach.
I'm interested in short quick walks to the cake in the fridge! -
Upload to Facebook I hate it when I wake up in the morning & I still have to be a responsible adult! -
Upload to Facebook Do you remember, before the internet people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to the information?
Yeah. It wasn't that! -
Upload to Facebook Calories don't count on weekends. So indulge without guilt.
Happy Weekend! -
Upload to Facebook Blonde: Do you have any children?
Man: Yes, I have one that's just under two.
Blonde: I may be blonde, but I know how many one is! -
Upload to Facebook A guy on phone: Good morning, is this the helpline for Alcoholics?
Executive: Yes.
Guy: How does one make Mojito? -
Upload to Facebook What do you call a typo on a headstone?
A grave mistake! -
Upload to Facebook I know it sounds mean but when I'm mad at my wife and want to lash out, I buy some new clothes without her approving them first! -
Upload to Facebook My wife told me that my habit of lying about everything is irritating. But I think it's not true, I'm sure she's irritated about the fact that I win all our arguments!
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