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Upload to Facebook The doctor advised my wife to lose the terrible body fat she's living with if she wants to be healthy & peaceful.
Now she's planning to divorce me! -
Upload to Facebook Wife: I didn't find any hair on your shirt?
Husband: So?
Wife: So, now you are dating a bald woman! -
Upload to Facebook Friend: I'm a risk-taker. I do mountain-climbing without any safety equipment.
Me: I'm also a risk-taker. I tell my wife that I didn't like her new haircut. So, it's the same! -
Upload to Facebook My wife just told me I am right and that she's sorry. I'm not used to this.
What do I do next? -
Upload to Facebook I heard the new GPS systems come with built-in "wife mode".
If you miss a direction, it says, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO. OH GOD, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME" and shuts itself down! -
Upload to Facebook My wife was in a bad mood for a couple of days. So I asked her if it's because of her weight gain during the lockdown.
I think I have dug my own grave! -
Upload to Facebook Whoever said that your harshest critic is yourself is obviously not married! -
Upload to Facebook Marital Truth:
Your wife misses you the most when you're partying with your friends! -
Upload to Facebook Some idiot is spreading a rumor about me that my wife kicked me out of the house.
I'd like to clarify that she only used her arms to gently push me out of the house. Her legs were never involved.
So please get your facts right before you run your stupid mouth! -
Upload to Facebook Wife: Why can't I feel/see your love and affection for me?
Husband: It's Asymptomatic love!
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