Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
For birth control, I rely on my personality.
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Society can overlook murder, adultery or swindling; it never forgives preaching of a new gospel.
Don't do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain't!
A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry and asks him did you see anything there that you weren't supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!