What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.
Ken Hammond
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
Don't have phone sex. You might get hearing aids.
Anonymous
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Lily Tomlin
Bare necessities of life: Food, clothing, and a blonde.
W.C. Fields
The difference between snow man and snow woman is snow balls.
Anonymous
I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.
Woody Woodbury
Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.
Anonymous
Once upon a time, when he could do it twice upon a time.
Anonymous
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Anonymous
