I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Notebooks, 1935
I'm 30-years-old, and I still can't get out from under my father's shadow. He's really tall, so maybe I'll just ask him to move over a few feet.
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he'd make a fortune.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea... I'd rather be someone's shot of tequila anyway.
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.