When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.
Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.