I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
Humor is a mankind's greatest blessings.
The word 'Good' has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a Good shot, but not necessarily a Good man.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave it up - they have no holidays.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber at weekends.
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.