With mobiles, Apple and Blackberry are rivals. But in a crumble, they're harmony.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
Common sense is so rare these days that, it should be classified as a super power.
Middle age: When you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
A perfect summer day: the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.