Torture numbers, and they'll confess to anything.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation.
If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
How did it get so late so soon?
Our language is funny - a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.
I used to think drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking.