As a child my family`s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
All men are equal before fish.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don`t have a top for it.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, `At my age, I don`t even buy green bananas.`
A nickel ain`t worth a dime anymore.