Humor is that which most efficiently recognizes that we are living in an imperfect world, with imperfect arguments and things that are insane, illogical, and irrational. And the only way we can live with that fact is to laugh.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.
When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
Only a fool expects to be happy all the time.
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
Make crime pay, become a lawyer.