I got food poisoning today. Don't know when I'll use it though.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Having smoking and non-smoking sections in the same room is like having urinating and non-urinating sections in a swimming pool.
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. Last summer in India I listened to a lot of Michael Bolton.
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches.
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Facebook and Twitter aren't the real problems in the office. The real problems are what I like to call the M&Ms, the Managers and the Meetings.
In her will, my grandmother stipulated that she wanted to be buried with all of her favourite possessions. Her cat was not happy.